“It’s not what you think,” I try to explain after he helps me dry off and change. Now, he is meticulously and gently blow–drying my hair, it reminds me of that night after Devil’s Lair.
He keeps his gaze down, his expression giving nothing away. I remember what I said last time.
“Trust me, I’m not trying to kill myself. I lost consciousness, and I did try to get up, but I remember my hand slipping. I don’t know what happened…” trail off as he finally looks up. In that moment, he looks so unlike himself–no arrogance, no lethalness in his eyes.
He puts away the dryer, and I grab his hand, my heart pounding, I didn’t want him to be worried.
“I’m fine, really. I didn’t-”
He looks at me, his jaw tightening. “You sure?” he asks.
“Yes. I fainted. And I…I don’t have the guts to do that.”
I can’t even say it. Not when I feel completely drained.
He searches my eyes for a long moment. I hold his gaze.
Finally, he nods. Then he bends down and kisses me. I closed my eyes, it was soft and comforting but he pulled away too quickly. He holds my face in his
hands.
“You need to eat something. Then I’ll call the doctor to attend to you.”
I nod.
He picks me up again. I don’t have the strength to protest.
He helps me sit on the sofa, and just as he settles beside me, a knock interrupts us. A man enters with a trolley.
“Leave it there,” Killian says, dismissing him.
The man gives a polite nod and leaves, abandoning the food trolley by the bed. Killian rolls it closer. It’s just simple soup and bread.
“They said you should start with something light,” he explains, serving a bowl and taking a spoon.
“You know I can do it myself.”
He gives me a look, and I press my lips shut.
He literally spoon–feeds me, and instead of feeling awkward, I feel…cherished. Cared for.
After half a bowl, I shake my head. “Enough.”
He sets the bowl down and hands me a tissue. I take it, wiping my mouth.
“How are you feeling now?” He touches my cheek with the back of his hand.
I lean into his touch, looking at him. The concern in his eyes tells me he hasn’t forgotten what happened.
“A little dizzy, but I’m fine.”
He caresses my cheek down to my chin, watching me, saying nothing. Worry is etched into his handsome face. A bit of stubble shadows his jaw from the past few days. He’s still wearing the same simple t–shirt and sweatpants as before–mine are gray, his are black.
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པས་ ་ ཝ
Chapter 52
“How are you?” I ask, surprising even myself with the depth of my concern.
“If you’re fine, I’m fine.”
I close my eyes at that. Then I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him tightly–like my life depends on it. If I’m to be lost somewhere, I should get lost in him.
He pulls me closer, holding me until there’s no space left between us. I bury my face in his neck. He can never know how grateful I am that it’s him holding me. That I wouldn’t have survived this without him.
I clutch his t–shirt in my fists. He strokes my back in slow, comforting circles.
I’m not ready to let go. And he doesn’t pull away.
So I hold on until my hands go numb.
I glance at the digital clock by the bedside.
4:00 PM, October 24th.
It’s been five days since I blacked out.
All my life, I waited for that one day—October 21st, 2024. And now, it has passed, and wasn’t even conscious for it.
I sit back on the bed. The doctor just left after a routine check–up. I try not to think about it, but the moment I saw him, everything came flooding back. How I woke up and the news that awaited me.
The bathroom door opens, and Killian steps out, freshly showered, wearing another identical set of clothes.
“You should rest. You just took your medicine,” he says, walking over. He pulls away the covers and gently pushes me toward under them.
I touch his hand. “No, I don’t want to sleep.”
“What do you want to do, then?”
I take a deep breath. “Um…where do I go first? What should I do?”
I need to figure something out.
“My mother…?” My voice falters.
Killian sits beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders
“You should say goodbye first.”
I look at him, unsure how to do that.
“I’ll prepare everything. If you agree, your mother can be buried in the Knights‘ ancestral ground.”
I blink in surprise.
“Unless you have another place in mind.”
“I don’t even remember what she was like,” I admit. “I know nothing about her. I only ever planned a place for her to stay with me.”
After a pause, I realize–I have nowhere else.
“You really want that? She’s not a Knight.”
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Chapter 52
“She’s your mother. That’s good enough for me.”
Inod, feeling something I can’t quite describe. Relief? Like I’ve been saved from being utterly lost.
“I have to tell everyone at KJM: What happened to Misha and Tong afterward?”
“The moment we captured Christen Meng, Misha went with the Shadow Knights to HQ. Tong came with me once we learned about the movement at the
Anderson Mansion.”
Right. I remember when Jina called, warning me to leave immediately because the Shadow Knights stationed at the Anderson Mansion couldn’t be seen, What happened to them.
“What exactly happened there?”
“Dead.”
“All of them?”
XI know they were at least Six people there and David the driver, he too didn’t pick up my call.
He nodded. I closed my eyes and suppressed a groan. I can’t believe this! What part went right?
I expected as much, but the confirmation still sends a chill through me. Guilt churns in my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Why are you sorry? Everyone who works here knows they can die at any moment.”
“Still…”
I don’t know what else to say.
“Don’t think about it. We found them, and they’ve been respectfully put to rest.”
I nod.
“But you left with Francesca without any prior notice–that wasn’t part of the plan.” His displeasure is evident.
“I know it was reckless, but I-”
“Trusted her,” he finishes for me.
I exhale. “I thought there could be anyone who would try to kill me–but not her.”
“Do you understand what that means?” His eyebrow lifts.
“I know.”
Of course, I know.
Tommen had planned this for a long time, exploiting the one thing I never doubted. Francesca had always been attached to me–since day one. How
could she do this?
What did I ever do to her? How did Tommen convince her?
She had pulled me out of the house so quickly that night. Her impatience made sense now–she didn’t want me to realize what was happening. I was blinded by her act.
But there’s one more thing.
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10:46 Fri, 11 Jul GO
Chapter 52
How did Killian find me? I was nowhere near where I should have been.
“How did you find me?” I ask.
“The smartwatch.”
“I checked it. It doesn’t have a tracker.”
He smirks. “I knew you’d check, which is why it wasn’t that kind of tracker.”
“Then what?”
“It was monitoring your heart. If anything life–threatening happened, it would send your location to HQ–and to me.”
I stare at him in astonishment. Then I let out a quiet chuckle. Well, it worked spectacularly.
“That means Tommen doesn’t know I’m alive.”
“No. There’s no way for him to know. But he was a Shadow Knight.” Killian’s expression darkens. “Have you found any proof of what Adeline said?”
“He’s not on record. I’ve never heard of him. No one has.”
But from his tone, I can tell he doesn’t believe that.
“I’ll find him. I’ll draw him out soon enough,” Killian says, his expression hardening
I say nothing.
A numb feeling washes over me again.
Can I keep going down this path of revenge?
I was ready for one risk. I already took it.
541
The Andersons don’t know my real identity. Otherwise, they could use anyone from KJM against me.
Can I risk losing anything again?
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