60: Behind Us
TARA
Aidan was gone before I knew it, and I couldn’t even say if that was a good thing or a bad thing for me.
A part of me fell when I noticed that he wasn’t in the house anymore because we didn’t get to talk much after everything that happened last night, but I guess it was also a good thing as Nadia didn’t see him, and then have a reason to throw tantrums.
Nadia had always been a good kid. She had her days when she didn’t agree with me much, or even listen to anyone, as kids normally did, but she never went as far as doing what she did, and still not being accountable for it.
I never wanted to make my kid feel scolded, especially when her actions were a result of something as natural as loving her father, but there were things that we could and could not do for the safety and sanity of others.
And this was the reason why after breakfast the next day, I sat Nadia down.
“Did you enjoy your breakfast, baby?” I was clearing her plates and Nadia was still sitting by the table, barely moving with how much she stacked her stomach full of food..
“Yes, Mom, thank you,” she replied, nodding, but eyeing me. wearily.
“Good, because we have to talk about what happened
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yesterday. Why did you leave the house without telling me and go so far away?”
Neither of us could have expected the outcome–the storm and the attacks- but that was the thing with actions. They had consequences, which was why we needed to think things. through first.
Nadia pouted, but from her quiet responses and her languid. expression, it was easy to tell that she felt bad about what she did.
“I just wanted to see Aidan and ask him not to leave after your chased him away because of me.”
My mouth hung open as I tried to process her words.
What?
I spoke quickly, closing the distance between us and cupping her small face in my hands.
“What made you think that I chased him away because of you?”
And how did she even know the first place to find him?
She shrugged without responding, and that was okay because. even I didn’t have the proper words.
I pulled Nadia into an embrace, cradling my head as I struggled to put a lid on my emotions.
“Nadia baby, there’s some things that you don’t understand. As adults, we have grown–up issues that we may fight about, but in the end, we always solve them. They are in no way your fault, and you do not have the responsibility of putting yourself or
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others in harm’s way to try and fix them, okay?” I explained after I pulled away from the hug.
Nadia nodded, her eyes welling up quickly.
“I’m sorry for running away and hurting you, Mom,” she said, sniffing a little, and breaking my heart in the process.
I had so much more to say and warn her against, but as I said before, none of it was her fault. This was all a genuine mistake that ended up getting out of our control.
“It’s fine, baby.” I caressed her cheek in response. “Just promise me not to do something like that again. You could have gotten hurt too, and I wouldn’t have been happy at all. Everyone including Aidan, Aunt Jenna, and Esme were worried about you.”
“I promise, Mommy. I’m sorry.”
Nodding, I kissed Nadia on the cheek and put what happened behind me.
Aidan had said he was going to be back, but that was about it. He didn’t say when, so I didn’t have the right to promise my daughter anything other than what he said.
But a part of me hoped that he would be back. Not just for Nadia, but also so that we could work to put our past behind us.
too.
For now, I was going to try to focus on myself and my kid. I said try because thoughts of Aidan kept crossing my mind and doing a number on me.
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I kept thinking back to how he came back for us yesterday and what all of that could have meant. How he held me in his arms. and rocked me back and forth, and how his heart beat so close to mine, that they were almost in synchrony even in the midst of the chaos.
Shit, Tara, have some control over yourself, I thought,
attempting to shake him off my mind even if it was near impossible.
Thankfully, Nadia’s voice gave me something else to do with my time.
“Can we please watch a movie, Mom?”
It was a free day, and I didn’t have to do diner for another few hours, so it wasn’t a bad idea to spend the time with Nadia. I nodded.
“Sure, baby. Come on,” I said, leading her to the large TV screen in the equally large living room, and turning it on.
As the movie played and Nadia got engrossed, my phone went. off beside me, and I picked it up to see that it was some texts from Jenna.
According to her, the whole blocks that were affected by the flood had been completely patched up, and we could return to our home anytime we liked.
I sighed after reading the message. I had to schedule moving back home into my plans for the week.
Our stay in Aidan’s house had met its deadline, and it would be out of sheer desperation at this point to continue living in his
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60 Behind Us
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house now that he wasn’t even around.
“Are you okay, Mommy? You’re not watching,” Nadia said,. noticing my absent–mindedness.
Clearing my throat and returning my attention to the TV screen, I nodded.
“I’m okay, baby.” After a moment, I spoke again. “How do you feel about going back to our home? Our real home?”
Nadia scrunched up her face, and she didn’t need to put it into words for me to know that she preferred the comfort and luxury of Aidan’s place.
Yeah, baby, me too, but we had to make do with what
was ours.
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