Chapter 42
Ashley’s POV
I walked slowly, dragging my feet through the carpet. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way and I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make It stop.
The news from Xavier was the best thing that could have happened since the day started, but for some reason, it didn’t feel as satisfying or exciting as I would have expected it to be. Instead, it felt like absolute shit.
I pushed my door open and walked in, shutting it as I entered. I tested my back against the door and slid down until my bottoms hit the floor. I’folded my knees together and took a deep breath.
“Get your
shit together, Ashley,” I said to myself. I knew how hard it took for Xavier to get It done and here I was, acting all selfish and like it didn’t matter.
I knew that he was worried, not just about me but about the fact that something fishy might be going on.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” He had asked me that question several times and I had given him the same response every single time, but right now it was beginning to feel like I had been lying all this while.
“No, no!” I groaned, hitting my head against my leg. It wasn’t the fact that I might still have something for Nolan that was the problem, but that I would even think that I felt that way. I was completely disgusted by everything that had to do with him and I hated every bit of him, but this was probably beyond my control.
You’re just overthinking, Ashley. You need sleep, just like Xavier said.” A voice in my head echoed through.
I struggled back to my feet and walked towards the bed, but I didn’t feel like sleeping yet, so I walked to the edge of the room, I opened the customized drawer, and brought out a bottle of wine.
I poured myself a full glass and walked towards the window. The night was cold and the stars were out, this would have been a perfect night to celebrate.
“What is wrong with you, Ashley?” I muttered, bringing the glass to my mouth. Nolan wasn’t really someone that anyone would want to go head over heels for, and even while we were still husband and wife, I caught myself always doubting if I really loved him.
The circumstances that brought us together had nothing to do with love, or so I thought. And the months and years that followed, I expected something to happen and just when I thought it was happening, Zoe happened.
I looked into the glass that I was holding and realized that I had no interest to continue drinking. I placed it gently on the table and stood up.
I twisted the knob and stepped out, the lights were now dim just like I would expect, but I kept on walking. I wasn’t spending enough time with Brian and the least that I could do was to put my emotions aside and kiss him goodnight.
I walked slowly to his room and found the door open just like it always was. I peeled inside and saw Xavier, sitting by his side, whispering softly.
I smiled as I thought of how much of a role model he was and how consistent he was. He stood up and kissed Brian who was already asleep, and just as he turned around, our eyes met.
“Hey,” I whispered softly, watching as he stood there, half expecting to see me. He walked towards the door and stepped out.
You should be asleep.” He said with a straight face.
“Well, I couldn’t sleep and I thought to check in on Brian. How is he?”
Chapter 42
“Asleep!” Xavier answered sarcastically, I rolled my eyes and gave him a gentle jab.
“You know what I mean,” I said playfully, my voice low. “I’ve been a terrible mother these past few weeks. I feel bad for him.”
Xavier winced and turned to look at me, “You think he’s still a child, but he’s probably not at that stage anymore” He said firmly.
“He’s not even five yet,” I replied, not wanting him to defend my actions.
“To you, he still might be a child, but he isn’t. He understands that you’re working and he said he wishes he could help you. You don’t have to worry about anything.”
I felt my eyes dampen with tears, but I fought it off. “You should probably get some sleep, yourself. You had a lot to do today.” I said to him, as I rested my back against the wall.
“I’m not tired, besides, I still have some things to check in the document. We can’t be too careful you know.”
“We can do that tomorrow., I said sharply, trying my best to convince him. He always seemed to get his way and was stubborn about the things he wanted to do, but tonight seemed different. The look in his eyes was warm and he didn’t look like he was up to something.
“We’ll do it tomorrow.” He said softly, leaning towards me and placing a kiss on my forehead.
“Goodnight, little sister.” He muttered softly, turning around to leave. I held him back and he turned around, and before he could say anything, I pulled him into a hug. “Thank you, Xavier, I whispered genuinely.
He placed a gentle hand on my back and patted slowly.
“Alright, you should go to bed.” He said after a while, pulling away from the hug. I smiled at him, seeing how a simple moment of affection could make him feel awkward.
“You’re such a dork,” he said, trying to sound unbothered but failing to hide the smile on the corner of his lips.
“Seriously, just go to bed before you start getting all mushy on me.” He said, placing his hand on my head and pushing me backward.
I chuckled, knowing that he was always trying to play the tough guy.
“Alright, softie,” I teased, before turning around, I had successfully gotten the strange thought out of my head and I was looking forward to the next day.
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