Chapter 32
CHARLOTTE
The drive back home was slow and excruciatingly painful. I had to park by the side of the road a few times to convince myself that I would arrive at the estate in one piece. My body trembled slightly as the recollection of seeing Rogerio propose to his ex–girlfriend remained permanently etched into my memory.
I barely knew her, but from the conversations we had when our relationship was still hopeful, I knew she had shattered his heart into a million pieces with her disappearance. I had thought our marital issues stemmed from an issue between both of us, one we could work on, but this was something different.
It wasn’t a marriage that was done because one or both of us had issues that could not be fixed or tolerated. He had simply returned to the woman he truly loved. For the first time since we were married, I truly comprehended what unrequited love felt like.
My thoughts shifted to the first night we met at the bar. He had walked in looking dejected, and I knew that he needed someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. As our friendship blossomed, I was more than happy to be there for him, which made seeing him feel like someone had poured a bowl of hot coal down my throat.
I drove through the streets, feeling diverse emotions that were currently beyond my comprehension. When I arrived at the estate, I parked the car a few feet away from the gate and sobbed profusely. I loved him. He might not believe it given the circumstances surrounding our union, but I cared for him so much, yet that wasn’t enough. I was smart enough to conceal my presence at the engagement party, which was technically futile. The only faces I could recognize in the crowd were Rogerio’s, his mom’s, and his grandfather’s. Their presence was enough to tell me everything I needed to know.
If they supported his actions, there wasn’t much my refusal to sign the documents would do. “I know when I’m beaten,” I muttered with a sniffle, and I started the ignition. I reached for the steering wheel and paused midway. “I can’t let Maria see me like this.”
I took deep breaths until I felt calmer and wiped my face clean of the tears that streaked down my cheeks continuously. I mentally prepared myself for a conversation with her; it would take a lot of effort to stop the waterworks that threatened to go off, but I was determined to pull it off. This had become a ‘there’s no use crying over spilled milk‘ situation, and for my benefit, I had to try to hold onto that thought process. I lowered my gaze and closed my eyes for a few minutes.
I had returned to a life of being on my own. I had hoped Rogerio and I would build a family together, but alas, if wishes were horses, we would have a lot of happy people galloping around Milan. I couldn’t bring myself to understand why he would go back to the person who abandoned him a few weeks before our wedding, but I knew I wasn’t getting any closure for that. The only option I had was to move on, and perhaps it was for a good cause.
I opened my eyes as the sound of the gates creaking as they opened brought me back to the present. I looked up to see Maria standing at the security post. I exhaled slowly and drove toward her. When I crossed the entrance, I waited until she had locked the gates and got into the car.
The walk to the front door was annoyingly long, and it would be unfair to drive off, leaving her to find her way back. When she settled into the passenger’s seat, she took one look at my face and sighed. I tried to start a
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conversation, but when I opened my mouth, no words came out.
She gave a little nod and smiled sadly. “Drive, Signora. Dinner’s waiting.”
Her gentle tone and understanding expression filled me with a wave of sadness and appreciation. She knew I had gone searching for answers and found something I didn’t like. I was grateful she didn’t ask any questions or push for details about my day. If I had to recount what I had seen, I wasn’t sure how I would react. We drove in silence, and when we entered the house, the smell of freshly baked pastries filled the atmosphere.
“What are we having for dinner?” I asked, and she chuckled lightly. I locked gazes with her as a confused look crossed my face.
“We’re having pasta,” she said and she started to walk towards the kitchen. “I thought it would be fun to have some, in the bowl you fell asleep in that night.” She added and stopped in her tracks to look at me. “I intended to create something to lighten the mood after, you know. Now I think it’s a bad idea.”
I shook my head in response and managed to chuckle. “There are no bad ideas, Maria. I don’t believe in those. There are simply poorly executed ones, but I think I can take a joke.”
I resisted the urge to add that my entire life currently feels like a terrible movie. If she was trying to lighten the mood, I wasn’t going to do anything to dim her efforts. “Let’s have pasta. It’ll be a delight.”
She grinned and fiddled with the hem of her dress. “Very well then; I’ll bring it to your room.”
“No. I’ll take a quick bath and retreat to the library; I’ve got some unfinished business there.”
She nodded in response and exited the hall. I spent a few more minutes studying the paintings on the wall. I had never been interested in art, but perhaps this was a point in my life where I could try new things. I pulled my attention away from the paintings as I slowly made my way to the room. I had no intention of selling anything in the house, nor was I going to auction the property to prospective buyers, but I knew I couldn’t stay here.
Everything reminded me of him and his family, who had never wanted me in their lives. “A fresh start would be nice, somewhere different,” I whispered to myself as I turned the knob of the bedroom door and pushed it open. Maria was right; I needed something to diffuse the tension that enveloped the estate, and I knew the perfect way to
achieve that.
After having dinner in the library, I reached for the envelope containing the divorce documents with shaky hands. I skimmed through the sentences while continuously swatting at the tears that formed at the corners of my eyes. “Crying doesn’t change anything,” I mumbled and reached for a pen.
I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment as I thought about the decision before me. Signing these documents meant that I was free to do whatever I wanted without receiving any backlash, but it also meant that I could never be within proximity of Rogerio and his… old flame that had been reignited. The thought of them together sent a shiver down my spine. This was a nightmare I wasn’t sure I would ever wake up from.
I opened my eyes and hurriedly put down my signature in the appropriate places before I found a way to convince myself to fight for a partner who didn’t recognize my existence. “I need to stop thriving in folly,” I said to myself and put down the pen.
It was done; signing these papers meant that Rogerio and I were officially over. I stared at the signatures for a few
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minutes, stood up, and exited the room slowly. I returned to the bedroom and called the lawyer to schedule a date so we could get this over with quickly. He sent me a text a few hours later informing me about the location of the meeting. I counted the hours till I could see his face one last time.
The day finally came, and I decided to look my best. I might be losing my marriage and feeling like the world was ending, but I didn’t need to look like that. If Rogerio and I were going to see each other for the last time, I wanted him to see that I was capable of handling myself without his help. I arrived at the venue and let my lawyer do all the talking. I barely had anything to say to him, but my heart felt heavy.
After I had signed the documents, I thought it would be easier to let go, but being in the same room with him filled me with emotions I struggled to keep in check. I was grateful he had the decency to make it a private hearing; it would’ve been more destabilizing to experience this in front of people who were practically strangers. One of the worst things to deal with is people with biased op
