Chapter 33
CHARLOTTE
Before leaving the courtroom, I stole a final glance at Rogerio. He looked perfect in the three–piece suit he had on, and I yearned to tell him that, but I knew better. He seemed excited about the outcome of the proceedings and did a fine job of avoiding my stare.
As he spoke with his lawyers in the most enigmatic fashion, I smiled wistfully and walked to the parking lot. My lawyer offered to follow me, but I declined. I thanked him for his role in the hearing and made my way towards the car with slow, steady steps. Thankfully, the lot was empty, so I got into the car and sat in silence for a few minutes.
Everything I had dreamed of having for almost two years had gone up in flames in a few hours. I had no more zeal to fight for anything left inside me. I could wish to turn back the hands of time or try to find a light at the end of the tunnel, but I knew those options were pointless.
No matter what I did, nothing would change. I tried to come to terms with what had happened, but the more I tried to wrap my head around it, the more confused I got. I started driving for a bit, but my hands trembled, and I knew the sensible thing to do would be to stop, so I did that.
I looked outside the car window and watched the passersby. For an instant, I wished I could be like them, oblivious to the pain that tugged at my heartstrings. Then I chuckled at my wishful thinking.
They might not have my type of problems, but I was certain they had some problems they needed to fix as well. I couldn’t take solace in anyone else’s troubles; we all have issues tailored to specific needs. I couldn’t tell what the next person’s issues were merely by looking at them, but I knew mine.
It haunted me with every breath I took. I had no tears left to shed for this cause, and if I was being honest, I had lost a marriage of convenience. That’s what Rogerio thought it was, anyway. True honesty would be admitting I had lost the man I had grown to love. I wasn’t sure how to cope with it.
When my parents died, it was easy to bawl in my room and wish they would walk through the front door and tell me it was all a sick joke. But death made it permanent. Knowing that they wouldn’t be around forever broke me as much as it gave me strength. Realizing that Rogerio would always be so close but yet so far away was something I wasn’t sure how to deal with.
I started the ignition and exhaled loudly. I needed to get home and crawl into my bed. Perhaps I could sleep for a very long time, and when I opened my eyes, the pain would be gone. “What do I do?” I muttered as the world around me faded into the distance.
Nothing mattered anymore; I was too sad to pay attention to anything beyond getting to the estate. When I arrived, I declined to have lunch and went straight to my room. I lay in bed for a few minutes, trying to force myself to fall asleep, but that didn’t happen.
I stared at the ceiling and counted sheep for a bit; none of that helped my predicament either. I needed to find something–a distraction. Something that would make me feel a lot better or make me too distracted to notice the pain in my heart.
21.2%
Chapter 33
I tried to stand up, but my body protested against any movements. My intentions didn’t matter at this print, I wrat forced to stay in bed. Soon, I had dozed off and slipped into the same recurring dream.
This time, there was no Rogerio, just me standing in the middle of an empty stre, Waves of loneliness engated me as I wrapped my hands around my body and tried to force myself to wake up,
“Signora…” I heard a familiar voice calling faintly in the distance, I looked around, but I couldn’t see anyone. I closed my eyes and listened to the voice as it called out to me once more, “Signora, wake up,”
I opened my eyes and saw Maria sitting next to me. Her eyes expressed her worry as she placed a damp cloth on my head. “Maria?” I started to say but stopped as my throat felt sore.
“You have a fever, Signora,” she stated, standing up, “Does your head ache?” She asked as her eyes glanced around the room. I nodded in response, and she smiled sadly, “I’ll be right back.”
She exited the room for a few minutes, leaving me with my thoughts. This was the worst time to be ill; I needed all the strength I could get to move around and find other things to do. Lying in bed all day wasn’t on the menu. My eyes shifted to the door as it creaked lightly,
She entered the room holding a glass of water and painkillers. “Here, take this.”
I tried to sit up and realized the severity of the illness. Every joint and muscle in my body ached with every move I made. I felt nauseous as the taste of the medicine touched my tongue and I tried to stop myself from puking all over the floor. My head throbbed and tears streamed down my cheeks,
“This is the worst time to be ill,” I croaked, and she sighed in response. “You already have too much to deal with; now you have to take care of me too. I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Signora. I’ll get a doctor to come over, and you’ll feel better in no time.”
“No, no doctors. I think this will pass; I’m probably reacting to something I…” My thoughts drifted back to the court hearing, and I immediately knew the root of my problem.
I had accumulated so much trauma in the last few days that my body was beginning to tell its own version of the story. I probably just needed to rest for a few days, and I’ll be fine. “I just need to rest,” I added with a forced smile. “No doctors.”
She shook her head in response but she didn’t argue with me. “If you insist, Signora. I’ll be back to check up on you
in an hour.”
“Thank you,” I responded. She gave a little nod and exited the room.
The next few days were the worst; I alternated between nightmares, terrible migraines, and the feeling of dread that constantly enveloped me. Maria was the only source of joy I had, but one day, she walked into the room with a confused look on her face.
“What is it?” I inquired, my voice barely above a whisper. She stared at me for a few minutes, contemplating if she needed to tell me the reason for her worries. “Don’t hide anything from me and don’t lie. It’ll hurt much worse than
the truth.”
21.4
Chapter 33
She nodded slowly and sat next to me. I closed my eyes as she pressed a palm against my temples. “Do you feel any better?”
“A little,” I lied, and she smiled wistfully.
“I just got a letter from Signora Thuthai,” she started to say, and she watched my face for a reaction. I looked at her in confusion.
“Rogerio’s mother?” I asked in a surprised tone.
“Yes. Well, technically, the letter has her signature and the family’s seal, but it might not necessarily be from her.”
I scoffed at her response. “Oh, it’s definitely from her. She doesn’t like me; I wouldn’t be surprised if she wrote a thousand letters to that effect.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their thoughts. “She didn’t say that in this letter, though.”
I sighed. “Why send a letter when phones are available?”
“Well, the Thuthais have their way of doing things.”
“Yeah… They need to join the rest of us in the 21st century.” I retorted, and she stifled a chuckle. “What does the letter
say?”
“Signor Rogerio would be coming over to pick up the rest of his things in a week.”
“Well, that’s peachy,” I uttered drily. “At least when I take walks around the house, there’ll be fewer things to remind
of the life I once led.”
me
A thin smile spread across her face, and she looked relieved. “Would you like dinner now?”
I was grateful for the change of subject; the less I thought about Rogerio, the better for me. “Yes, please,” I replied,
and she exited the room.
The days rolled by, and the scheduled day came quickly. I was eager for it to be over soon as I tried to ignore the mixed feelings that came with seeing Rogerio one last time. I got out of bed and walked down the hallway. Nothing prepared me for the sight I saw.
