Chapter 40
CHARLOTTE
The morning I left Milan had been unusually cold, and the air smelled a little different. I askedaria if the nobod it, but she answered by saying that she didn’t feel anything unusual. I sneezed as we got into the car, and the suggested that we go back and reschedule if I wasn’t feeling well.
“It’s alright, Maria,” I said with a thin smile.
The drive to the airport was filled with conversations between her and the driver, Luigi. I could tell they had a rapport from prior conversations as they discussed a place I wasn’t familiar with. I listened to their exchange, grateful for the distraction from the thought of leaving Maria all alone.
I tried to dismiss her, but as I boarded the plane, I couldn’t deny that I felt a little different. Maria had accompanied me to the airport, and the new driver had made a good impression by getting us there in record time. We had some time to talk while we waited, enjoying breakfast together in a restaurant. When it was time to board, we said our goodbyes, and for the first time in a long time, I felt my heart break a little.
It wasn’t the same feeling that engulfed me when Rogerio mentioned the divorce, this one was different. It was an old feeling, one that had planted its roots in my mind the day I finally accepted that I was alone in the world. When extended family members didn’t reach out to me after a period of hoping there was someone who cared even a little, I remember laughing at my audacity to think that anyone was coming to save me. Then, a wave of impending doom enveloped me. That same feeling coursed through my body as if this was the last time I would ever see her, and the realization that I was on my own once more filled me with dread. Somewhere, in the corner of my mind, a small thought roamed. I could stay back and go to school in Milan; there are great universities here, and I could get a job or start my own business. Los Angeles was a distant place that I barely knew. I was barely an adult when I left, and I can bet a lot of things would have changed by now.
Perhaps I should stay somewhere I knew how to navigate the routes and pick the best cuisines, I thought to myself, smiling wistfully as I shook my head slowly. But then, surely, I could experience more than something I already had a history with, and it would keep me far enough from Rogerio so I could heal properly. I tried to convince myself that it was solely because I needed to create new memories, but another thing I could finally admit to myself was that I was running away from my life as Signora Thuthai.
As I took one last glance at her, I realized that two things can be true; in this case, three. One, I was running away from the Thuthais and everything that came with them, although the ring and money were great souvenirs. Two, I wanted a new life as Charlotte Edwards. I hadn’t been that person in a while, and perhaps I could do a few things differently. Three, I would miss Maria. She was the closest person to me, and talking over the phone wouldn’t feel the same as having conversations in person. But I knew I had to do this.
We had already come all this way; this wasn’t the time to get cold feet. It was a hard but inevitable decision, so I put on a brave face. As I stepped onto the plane, Maria’s last words rang in my mind. “If you ever need to come back to Milan, don’t let anything make you hesitate. This is your home.”
I understood what she meant and thanked her for her kindness, but as I settled in and the plane started to glide off the runway and make its way into the clouds, I knew I wasn’t coming back. I had escaped from yet another traumatic point in my life, and I was relieved it was over. If anything needed to be done about the house, Maria
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Chapter 40
could handle it. She had all the money, and I didn’t mind sending more, but I knew I didn’t want to spend another night in that place.
The sudden mood shift had me feeling disoriented for a bit. If I had given in to how I was feeling earlier, we could have been on our way to the estate, and I wondered if that was something I would have liked if I tried. As we moved further away, I settled in with the idea of something new. When I arrived at the hotel, I would plan an itinerary for the next day. I could walk through the city, stop by the school, and find more activities to do. I turned and stared at the person next to me; she was asleep with her head hung low.
I resisted the urge to touch her or move her head back into position. It would be a kind gesture, but I didn’t want to initiate anything. I just wanted to get off and be in my hotel room. I didn’t have to engage with anyone here. I looked away and closed my eyes, wishing I could fall asleep too. I knew that was futile because my thoughts raced all over the place at the prospect of being somewhere else. I couldn’t shut them off, so I needed to do something else. I picked out a book and started to read it, but a few minutes later, she started to snore, and a part of me appreciated the days
when I would travel on Rogerio’s private jet.
I chuckled and closed the book. “Welcome to the real world,” I muttered to myself as I stared at the cover for a moment before putting it away. Deciding to go to the bathroom, I figured it would give me some time to myself, and perhaps my movement would wake her up and stop the snoring. I picked up my bag and made my way to the
bathroom.
Getting there was the easy part, but getting in was a different story as the attendant informed me that it was occupied. I contemplated making my way back to my seat, but as I turned around, I bumped into a man who had just gotten up from his seat. I bit my tongue to stop myself from cursing and focused on my bag and things scattered on the floor. Lowering my gaze, I mumbled an apology and bent down to pick up the items.
As I fished for things that had gotten under some seats, I realized that he had walked away without saying a word. “Rude,” I muttered, standing up to look around for him, but I only caught a glimpse of his hair as he made his way towards the cockpit. I tried to see his face, but I felt a hand touch my shoulder, and I turned around.
The attendant had found some of the other things, and the lady occupying the restroom had stepped out. I thanked her for finding them and went into the bathroom. This was my first time flying economy since my wedding, and I was already bumping into people, embarrassing myself in front of everybody. I exhaled and turned on the tap to wash my hands, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
The air felt warmer as my eyes glanced around the small space. I couldn’t wait until I got off the plane. I needed a warm bath to get rid of this cold feeling and some wine. I wondered what I’d want for dinner; first, I had to look up which city we were going to stop over in. Then I could plan what to eat and decide if I wanted to get back on a flight immediately. I toyed with the idea of booking first class this time. “Signora Charlotte, do it,” I whispered to myself.
I made my best impression of Maria, trying to encourage myself to make that decision, but I didn’t believe it enough to go through with it. I sighed and decided it was better to focus on one thing at a time: getting to L.A. If I had to endure snoring passengers and bumping into rude ones to be able to have enough to give myself a head start, then I would stick to it. I didn’t come this far to lose sight of what I intended to do. A few minutes later, I slipped into my
seat and watched the passenger who was still fast asleep.
This time, I was envious of her ability to get comfortable enough to sleep through everything. I wished I could close my eyes and make it all go away until the end of the flight, but I was stuck staring at the clouds. I had always loved the view from the window; it meant I could stare at the soft white “water cushions,” as my mom liked to refer to them. Looking at them made me feel a lot more comfortable than I had been. A few minutes later, I pulled my eyes
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Chapter 44
away from them as the pilot announced that we were landing 1 got off the plane, walked into the airport, and decided to try out a restaurant. My next flight was in five hours, so I had time to explore this new city.
