Chapter 218
NIKOLAI’S POV
I have recovered, I’d say I have completely recovered but Alessandro doesn’t agree with me. He still thinks that I need to be extra careful in whatever I do. He was overprotective of me, he always was, I just realized it later on.
I have stopped talking to him altogether, I’m ignoring him just like he did to me. I have moved to a bedroom downstairs, we haven’t been sleeping in the same bed. He hadn’t touched me; I could see how much he wanted to a few times in between but he was letting me have this
one.
Getting bored out of my mind, I grabbed a pair of swim trunks out of my closet and decided to go for a swim. I started training again, boxing, krav maga, and martial arts to help gain my focus and muscle strength back. Swimming always helped me relax and I haven’t done it in so long, in fact ever since I was forcefully married to Alessandro.
Alessandro told me that the Salvatores are still hiding themselves. I wanted to deal with them especially Leah. But firstly I have to be physically fit.
I wore a pair of black swim trunks and walked to the mirror. The scars on my body were now fading.
I came out of the bedroom and saw Alessandro sitting on the living room couch. He was furiously typing away on his phone, his gaze flicked to me for a second, and a hint of a smile appeared. He shook his head and ran a hand down his tie, turning his attention back to the phone.
I strolled straight to the pool area. The pool was filled with glittering water clear as the sky; glistening blue and when the light hit it, it looked magical. Without thinking much, I dove in.
When my body first hit the freezing water it felt like an electric shock. The water thoroughly chilled me to the bone. I swam down, waving my legs and fanning my arms to cut through the cool water.
I smiled as I moved flawlessly through the water, making small waves behind me. I still got it. The water was all around me; I turned on my back and then twisted and dove back in deep.
I swam till my mind relaxed and my limbs ached. I swam to the surface, my eyes took a moment to adjust. I saw Alessandro sitting on one of the lounge chairs with his elbows over his knees, his eyes watching me, setting my skin on fire against the cold water.
I swam to the edge and pulled myself up; placing my feet on the steps. The water slithered down my body as I walked to the pile of towels and grabbed one. I started to dry my hair, ignoring his presence. I tried to act like his lingering heated gaze didn’t have any effect on me.
“How long are you going to keep on avoiding me?”
The aggression and desperation in his voice were quite clear, his patience was hanging by a thread.
I mockingly frowned. “For how long did you avoid me? A month? Two months?”
He made a growl–like noise. “I fucked up, alright, I’m sorry… You left me for two years after that.”
“Correction, a year and a half.”
He got up and made his way closer to me, “It’s been a month, Nikolai…”
I clenched my jaw, ‘Do I look like I care?”
He smiled and softly pulled a wet strand back from my face. ‘Do you remember the time when cuddled and….
I stepped back, “No, you don’t get to do that.”
He exhaled tiredly, “Do what?”
1/2
Chapter 218
“Manipulate me by reminding me of the time when everything was good. A few good moments we spent together don’t make up for all the heartache you’ve caused me.”
He shook his head, “I’m not trying to manipulate you, Nikolai. I’m trying, I’m trying everything I can to earn you and your love back but nothing seems to be fucking working. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll fucking do it!
I shrugged, “I don’t know… I don’t know what will make me forget that moment, that single second that changed everything between us. Every time I think about us… all I can see is that moment.”
A crinkle appeared between his brows, “What moment?”
“The moment you thought that I had betrayed you.
All it took was a single second and you changed… completely. The moment you pushed me back like my presence disgusted you, like my touch disgusted you, like my presence disgusted you.”
He looked agitated, frustrated, and upset at the revelation, he shook his head, “That was different, Nikolai. Those were your men, what was I supposed to think with all that Antonio situation?!”
I let out a breath, “You’re right, I know that all the odds were against me but you didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. You didn’t even hear me out! So, no, Alessandro, I can’t just forget that. I don’t want to live my life dreading that my husband doesn’t trust me enough, dreading when you will flip the switch because one second you were so warm and the next second you were so cold that I couldn’t even recognize you.”
He looked half–part upset and half–part defeated like he had lost a battle, but he had no right to be this upset.
I pushed past his shoulder on my way out, purposely letting the water touch his perfectly ironed suit. I went back to my room, showered, changed into my shorts and lay on the bed.
Istared at the ceiling and all I could now imagine was the defeated look in Alessandro’s eyes. I sighed, at least the vision of Alessandro pushing me back was not on my mind anymore but this one was way worse. I almost felt bad.
It wasn’t fair, he doesn’t get to be this upset. I was the one who was hurt time and time again, I was the one who spent two freaking months of my life in a freaking coma, I was the one who should be upset not him.
But another part of me thought about how upset he was because he was afraid of losing me. He cared, he told me he loved me, he was hurting. It wasn’t easy for a man like him to show what he felt. And now whenever he is with me after I had woken up from a coma, he is different, almost like he wants to ‘rip his chest and show me his heart” kind of different.
I shook my head once more, no, he pushed me, he hurt me, he makes me feel bad about myself, and it is good that he is hurting. He should be
hurt.
But all of a sudden, I didn’t know if I wanted to hurt him anymore. In fact, it all kind of made me feel bad.
I groaned and picked up a pillow from beside me before pushing my face into it and screaming as loud as I could.
I hate this…
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