Chapter 1
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Get it together, girl. Don’t let him see how much he’s hurting you
As hard as I tried, though. I could not stop the tears from falling. I felt the familiar sensation beginning at the back of my skull. Over the years. I had become un used to suppressing it that it was almost second–nature to do so. I wanted to give in. let myself transition- but with cars whizzing by on the busy streets of Burlington, I knew better than to let go. Instead, I took a deep breath to calm myself and focus on the here and now
“Is there someone else?” I asked, wincing at the cracking sound my voice made.
Jackson looked down, his shaggy red hair flopping forward over his eyes. “I already told you. I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied, his voice giving away his irritation.
I’d known Jackson long enough to know that if he wasn’t ready to share something, there was no convincing him to open up Still, after five years together, I really felt I deserved more of an explanation as to why he was ending our relationship.
I decided to push him a bit more. Wiping the tears out of the corners of my eyes, I asked him again. “If there’s nobody else. then why? Come on Jackson, I know we’re not perfect, but five years! You just want to throw that all away without even telling me why?”
Jackson let out a big sigh. He turned the key in the ignition, turning the engine off. As he turned his head to the side, looking out the window, he slowly started to explain. “I’ve just never felt it with you, Marlie. You know as well as I do. You have to have felt it. The distance. The disconnect. We’ve been close, and you’ve done so much for me, but it’s only ever been the human side of our relationship that felt okay.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I did know what Jackson was talking about. We had felt distant and disconnected for so long. When we’d met in college, it had been a whirlwind romance. As two werewolves immersed in a community of humans, it had been so refreshing to have Jackson around to open up to and connect with. I’d been chasing that connection ever since. But as much as I’d hoped for it to return, it hadn’t. I couldn’t deny that
I struggled to find the words to say to Jackson now. “So. so I’m not wolf enough for you?” I asked, immediately regretting the simplicity of my question.
Jackson shook his head, looking down towards the floor. “That’s not what I’m saying, really. It’s just. I can’t be myself with you. I can’t just be free?
1 rolled my eyes, hoping Jackson would see, if only out of the corner of his eyes. Now, I was getting pissed off. “You can’t be serious! You spend hours a week up in your office, doing who knows what. I never pester you about it. I never keep you from being yourself!” I argued.
Jackson scoffed “That’s not what I mean. I mean.. I can’t be my true wolf around you.”
Oh please, Jackson, I’m one of, like, three people you transition around. You don’t even go to the bar as your wolf. Don’t complain that you can’t open up to me,”
Jackson pounded his fists on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn in the process. We both jumped. In the past, we would have giggled at this incident, but now it only served to make us both more frustrated could feel the hairs starting to raise under the back of my shirt, and I took a deep breath, focusing on holding them in.
“It’s just different with her, Jackson finally said quietly.
Id suspected Jackson had been cheating on me. He’d even basically confessed to it earlier in the park, when he’d told me he Wanted to break up Sull hearing him actually speak about the other woman he was with made my mind go numb. I instantly had so many
late from the bar and Mion. Who was she? How long had been with her? There was that one time he’d come home
secin to have au explanation. Had he been with her then?
“Who is she?” I finally demanded
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“That’s not important,” Jackson replied, flatly.
“I deserve to know,” I insisted, my voice urgent and strained.
Jackson simply shook his head. “I told you I want to end this, Marlie. I don’t know why you keep asking me these questions.”
I
I looked out the car window, watching the people walk by on the sidewalk. How did I get here? Just weeks ago, I’d returned from my work trip and found flowers and blood tea left for me on the table. We’d had a romantic walk in the park after dark. We’d even briefly transitioned around midnight, allowing ourselves to feel free and connected. Was Jackson cheating on me then? He must have been. Then why had he gone through all of this trouble to romance me?
I decided it was worth one more shot. “I just want to know why. I said simply. “I think you owe me that.”
Jackson sighed in frustration, pounding his hands on the steering wheel again. “I told you why, Marlie. It’s not my fault you don’t believe me.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes again. Stay strong, I reminded myself. You can break down later. Just don’t let him see you
do it.
I reached towards the car door handle and started to open it. The door half open, I turned to look back at Jackson. “I’m taking the apartment tonight. Go somewhere else. I don’t care. Heck, go sleep with her again. Whoever this mystery woman is, you deserve each other. You’re a real piece of work, Jackson Prowl. I’m sorry I wasted so much time on your pathetic self.”
I leapt out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I stomped towards the main door of the apartment, not even stopping. to look back. Hearing the engine of Jackson’s car rev as he pulled away was all the reassurance I needed to know he was gone.
The hairs on my back prickled against my shirt, and I hurried to make it into the apartment so I could just let go and let it happen. Mr. Falwell was just inside the door, opening his mailbox. I nodded to him briefly, then scuttled down the hall to Apartment 3.
me
No sooner was the door closed behind me than I let out the biggest growl. The familiar sensation came over immediately. Every hair emerged. I felt my nose lengthen and my tail emerge from my backside. I reached up to scratch my ears. They were always itchy just after I transitioned, and I’d never been able to figure out why.
Now, in my more comfortable wolf state, I was able to really let go and feel my emotions. I bounded up onto the couch and curled up. A few of Jackson’s red–orange hairs were on the pillow, so I cast it aside furiously.
My mother had always told me not to whimper, but right now, I couldn’t really help it. I looked around the room and remembered the day Jackson and I had moved into this apartment. We’d spent the entire first night putting cork board on all the walls to make sure the neighbors wouldn’t hear any suspicious noises. I remembered when we’d had our friend Orville sneak into the apartment next door and listen as we’d mated in the bedroom–just to make sure the cork blocked the sound
That was such a happy memory. But was it? If I was being honest with myself, there were parts of that night that weren’t so pleasant, too. Jackson had been extremely defensive when I’d started unpacking his computer without asking. I’d always wondered why. What was on that computer that he didn’t want me to know about? Then, the next day, he had disappeared for a full hour and wouldn’t tell me where he went. Maybe the signs had been there all along, and I had beenignoring them. Was this what women in abusive relationships went through? Was Jackson abusive?
I shook my head. That felt like it was going a bit too far. He’d never abused me, really. But in a way, he was right. There had always been something between us. Things had never been quite perfect. I’d shrugged a lot of it off as being differences in culture and trauma from losing his family. But deep down, I always knew he was hiding something from me. Maybe he had been cheating all along.
With that thought, I bounded off the couch and headed to Jackson’s office, determined to open his computer and find out, once and for all, what he’d been hiding from me
I used my paws to try and open the door knob. My mother would have laughed at me for this. She would totally have transitioned back, if only for a minute, to make opening the door easier. But I was feeling lazy.
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Unfortunately, the door knob would not budge. I licked the fur on my paws to try and get more grip, but it was still stuck. The knob didn’t even wiggle a little as knobs normally did when they were locked.
Suddenly, it hit me. Had Jackson really put a wolf seal on this door? He must have planned on breaking up with me at the park, then. He must have known I’d come back here and try to open this door. Those damn Irish wolves and their “extra”
powers
I slumped back on to the couch, feeling defeated. I tried to read a book and distract myself, but I just couldn’t focus. Maybe I’d have some blood tea and try to calm my mind. I walked over the fridge and found a half–empty bottle. I poured myself a glass, and then added a bit more for good measure.
The blood tea hit my lips, and a comforting sense of warmth washed over me. But unfortunately, this bottle had been in there a little too long, and I could tell it was starting to go off. The taste was just a touch too metallic for me. I took a few more gulps, but then dumped the rest of the glass down the drain.
As I set the now–empty glass in the sink, the memories started flooding back. This was a glass Jackson and I had stolen together in college, the very first time we went to a real werewolf bar together. At the time, I had thought he was so cultured the way he ordered blood tea for the both of us. I’d admired his red–brown hair and his Irish accent. He was so different from any other wolf I’d ever met, and after being surrounded by humans at college for four years, we had both been so happy to find each other.
Maybe that’s all our relationship was. Were we only attracted to each other because we were two wolves in a sea of humans? Maybe we didn’t even have much in common in the first place.
I tore through the cupboards looking for another bottle of blood tea I could use to drown my feelings, but didn’t find one. I glanced at the clock. It was 6-10 pm. After Dark should be opening any minute. Maybe what I needed was to pull myself together, get out of this apartment for a while, and spend time with some other wolves. It was a Tuesday, so the bar probably wouldn’t be too busy. I preferred it that way.
In my angst, I almost left the apartment without transitioning. Luckily, I saw the feather we’d hung on the door as a reminder for just this type of situation. Taking a deep breath, I focused on pulling my hairs back in. The rest followed. My tail retreated, my nose flattened, and I quickly moved to pounce onto my back legs just as my spine structure changed. Fully transitioned into my human form, I stepped out the door, nodded to Mr. Falwell down the hall, and set on my way to
After Dark
SEND GIFT
