22 Thankful For
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22: Thankful For
TARA
The day for the moon goddess celebration came, reminding everyone that the multipack moon meet was coming to its end.
If I were to describe what it felt like, a word for it would be bittersweet. I was so in tune with the week that the event had provided for the pack, and so grateful that I was a part of it.
The last few days had been filled with activities upon activities, and when I wasn’t busy serving the customers at the diner or taking care of Nadia, I was fully immersed in one activity or the other.
There were different parties, games for the different categories of people, competitions, a bonfire with history and storytelling sessions, and so much more.
Now that we were coming to the end of it all, it was like I wanted it to last longer.
‘Liar. The reason why you want it to last longer is because of him,‘ A voice said in my head, and I shook it off.
Since I went off on Aidan that night, we had not crossed paths again. He didn’t try to reach out to me, and when I caught a glimpse of him at the events, he didn’t approach me like he usually did.
He just watched.
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22 Thankful for
It became my duty to remind myself that this was exactly what I wanted all along, but I couldn’t help the way my mind always drifted to thoughts of him.
I felt guilty about how mean I was to Aidan that night, but Jenna didn’t think so. When I finished telling her my story, she was beyond furious. And according to her, Aidan was off her books of potential candidates for me.
“Make sure everything is contained in the bag, Tara,” Jenna’s voice sliced through my thoughts.
She had come over to the house, and the both of us with Nadia were going to head over to the final celebrations together.
Nadia had been on her afternoon nap for close to three hours now, and once we were set to leave, I would wake her up.
We had a change of clothes in our travel–sized bag, some snacks for when we were hungry, water, and a few items that we would need for the ritual of the evening.
“We can just decide to enjoy the scenery and socialize till it’s time for the barbecue party instead of coming home just to change and making our way back there again,” Jenna said as we got ready.
“Yes yes, I know,” I replied. “Everything we need is packed inside, and I even tossed in some extras, just in case we run out of something,” I said, but my voice was a little detached.
“Alright.”
Walking over to where I sat in the living room, Jenna probed, no doubt having seen through me like glass. “You look worried. Are
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22 Thankful for
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you bothered you’re going to run into him today?”
I shook my head once. “No, not really,” I lied. “I mean, it’s just that soon, all guests will be expected to start returning to their packs, and Aidan will no doubt be one of them. The last thing Collin wants in this pack is him, so I guess we’re good,” I replied.
Jenna nodded in understanding.
“Is Nadia going to know that he’s her dad?” Jenna asked softly, compassion filling her voice and her eyes.
“I think a part of her already does. She was smitten from the very first day they met, and she’s asked about him occasionally since then. She really likes him,” I added.
Taking a deep breath, I answered the question directly. “She’s going to know eventually, but I’m just not sure that the time is right now with everything that’s going on.”
“I’m here with you no matter what. Whatever you decide to do, I know that it’s going to be what’s best for her, and it’ll be done from a place of nothing but pure love,” she said.
“Now you’ll make me cry,” I joked, using that as a disguise to mask my emotions.
We shared a long hug that was filled with silent words, and when we broke apart, my eyes were teary.
I blinked it back down and got back to getting set to leave the house.
We finally finished getting ready, and soon, the three of us were at the venue for the moon goddess celebration.
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Music played from the speakers, and those who weren’t vibing to the songs were either involved in casual conversations with other packmates or just hanging around.
The event kicked off, and after the customary procedures, it was time for each person to thank the moon goddess for the things she had done for us all.
“Come on, Nadia baby. You remember how I taught you?” | asked, and she nodded her small head in agreement but grumbled when I called her baby. “You have to say each and everything that you’re thankful for,” I said.
I retrieved our candles and match sticks from the bag, and we went over to kneel in the appropriate spots.
Handing over Nadia’s small–sized candle to her, I watched her in awe as she went first.
“I’m thankful for my beautiful mom,” she started, making me smile instantly. “She’s the best in the world, and she makes me the best food.” I laughed heartily, tears glazing over my eyes. “And I’m thankful for Aunt Jenna, and Esme, and my friends at school,” she said.
Emotions clogged my throat, but I fought past them and I spoke.
“What else?”
“I’m thankful for… for my big room, my toys, and my playground,” she said, causing me to laugh lightly.
I tried to control my laughter so that I wouldn’t disturb the other people from their moments.
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22 Thankful For
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“Is that all?”
Her next words threw me off guard. “I’m thankful for my dad. My real one, and the one I’m about to have really soon,” Nadia said, turning her head to me and giving me a mischievous little smile with all her teeth.
I lost my voice at that moment, thinking of how to respond to what my baby just said, so
I forced myself to smile back
instead.
My little baby wasn’t so little anymore.
“Well, she heard you, now you can go ahead and ask her for the things you want in the coming years. Make sure to list as many of them as you can remember, okay?”
Nadia nodded, and I decided to give her some privacy for the rest of it.
Finally, I picked up my own candle and faced forward to say the things I was thankful for.
The list was endless, but I managed to list them off one after the other.
My parents were there, even after everything.
So was everyone who made my life a little bit easier on my rough days.
I was thankful for myself, for being so strong and loving.
But most importantly, I was thankful for my child.
One question lingered in my heart though as I listed off all those
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things.
Could I be truly thankful for Nadia without being thankful for Aidan?
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