50: Never Once Asked, Or Thought
TARA
“What date did you both talk about now?” I asked, voicing out the question that came to my mind after Nadia’s last statement.
Aidan looked like ants had suddenly invaded his boots with how uncomfortable he felt, and Nadia only made a weird expression on her face, mouthing the word “awkward” to herself.
Aidan finally responded after some silence.
“She made me promise a while ago to take you out on a date,” Aidan said, shocking me. “More like many dates,” he added, smiling to reveal a dimpled cheek.
Thankfully, I didn’t allow myself the chance to get sucked in like I usually did. Now wasn’t the time.
Nadia spoke now. “But he said you both first have to agree to go out, and Aidan was down, so I’m guessing it’s left to you.”
Opening my mouth and closing it back twice because I couldn’t find the right words, I locked eyes with Aidan who only gave a guilty shrug.
“I mean…” I started, “Aidan hasn’t asked me on any dates, Nadia,” I said slowly, seeing that what I said was the truth, and by saying that, I wasn’t being mean to Aidan in front of Nadia.
Aidan hadn’t asked me to go on any dates with him, but even if he did, the answer would be a flat no.
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I was okay with his presence because I wanted Nadia to have experienced it for the first time in her life, but that didn’t mean automatic forgiveness or that I would forget everything that happened.
My occasional loss of self–control when Aidan was around and the way my lady parts purred whenever I thought of him was a meaningless fling and the result of being single to stupor, so that didn’t in any way mean that dates were in order.
Slowly but surely, I was coming to accept the reality that Aidan could be a good figure in Nadia’s life, be the perfect father to her, and still be the man who hurt me in the worst way I had ever experienced.
1 still had the scars and the pain to prove it, and I couldn’t forget
that.
Bringing myself back to the present where Nadia was staring back and forth between me and Aidan, and Aidan looked like he knew exactly why I said what I said, I cleared my throa
“Right, Aidan?” I asked, leaving no room for slip–ups.
Aidan slowly nodded, giving Nadia a faked nervous look. “I–I haven’t gathered enough guts to ask,” he said to Nadia who pouted in response.
Having had enough of the awkwardness, I gestured to Nadia.
“Come on, baby. Head inside and I’ll come in real soon.”
Nadia looked like she was about to argue, but Aidan gave her a gentle push.
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“Go on, I couldn’t stay long either because I have some work to do, but hopefully I’ll see you again soon.”
Nadia responded. “Fine. Bye, Aidan,” she said, waving as her small legs carried her back inside the house.
Aidan’s apology came quickly. “I’m sorry, Tara, I shouldn’t have entertained that conversation with her, but I didn’t want to upset her.”
“Yeah,” I said, forcing my voice to remain calm since Nadia was just close by. “You shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have put that idea in her head because it’s not going to happen and you know it.”
Aidan looked confused which was funny to me.
“I thought we were making some progress here with getting things back on track, Tara,” he said, his voice breaking at some point.
I shook my head, not understanding why I was getting so annoyed.
“No, Aidan. No. You don’t get to do that. What do you mean we were making progress? What progress? What closure have I had from the way you betrayed me, Aidan? I’m allowing you to get to know her, but you don’t get to come in here and put those
foreign and impossible ideas in her head because she’s going to want them, okay?”
“Tara, I am deeply sorry for everything that happened. I was not properly informed about things…
I cut him off. “Enough with these baseless apologies. You’re
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sorry, but you don’t think it’s enough for you to tell me your side of the story? You don’t think to tell me just how misinformed you were about things?” I asked, putting my fingers up in quotes.
My temperature was beginning to rise with how angry I was getting now, so I needed to extract myself from this situation.
“Tara,” Aidan called, but I put my hand up, stopping him.
I wondered what kind of misinformation Aidan would have had for it to warrant him treating me like a piece of rag, rejecting me, and sending me to my doom the way he did.
“Tara,” Aidan called again, seeming desperate to say what he had to say.
Forcing myself to remain calm, I listened to him speak.
“I’ve been trying for weeks, and I don’t say this in any way to push you or to try to make your feelings of discomfort invalidated, but I’ve been away from my pack for so too long,” he said, and I suspected where he was heading.
- ng. For
Aidan went on. “I’m trying to do what I can to make you see that I want nothing more than to put our ugly past behind us, but…” he hesitated, making me shift on my foot. “I have to leave for Attica pack. There are things that I cannot put off any longer.”
I tried to school my features to not show the way my stomach twisted at his words, but I don’t know how well I did that.
What I had thought about was finally happening.
Aidan was going back to Attica pack, where it all began, and
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where it all ended. And bad enough, Nadia was falling head over heels for him, if she hadn’t fallen completely already.
Remembering everything from my past in Attica pack, something snapped in my head.
It was in Attica pack that my life turned to shambles, and it was there that Aidan, my mate, and Kayla, someone I took as my sister, hurt me.
It was also in Attica pack that my father pointed a gun to the middle of my head, banishing me, and I remembered my resolution to put anything and everything relating to Attica pack behind me.
Thinking about it now, I realized that I had even failed myself by giving Aidan the room back into my life again, and I didn’t care for what reasons.
Taking a step back, I thought to myself that I needed to protect both my feelings and those of my child now.
I replied, not recognizing how small my voice had become. “Of course. Like I said before, you have your responsibilities to get back to, and I have my daughter to get back to.”
Aidan took a step towards me, pain written across his face in bold letters, and I took one back, putting as much distance as possible between us.
“I will be back, Tara, before you both know it, but I don’t want to leave with us like this,” he said, making a back–and–forth motion with his fingers.
He spoke on. “I do not want you to carry this dread of me
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everywhere you go when I’m not here. I don’t want that, Tara.”
“It looks to me like there’s no other way, Aidan. Your choices have been made for you, and so have mine,” I said, looking back into the house where Nadia currently was.
“Tara,” he called, the fight leaving him.
Me too, Aidan.
